What Readers Don’t Tell You
I remember very little of my childhood. Whenever I dart my mind back to picture what it was like, I would always see the little me holding a book either in the living room, parlor, or bedroom. Sometimes I would light a candle, or use my mom’s old Nokia phone touch light to close out a novel or start a new one.
Growing up had always been about reading. I read everything readable. Once I fell into a gutter because I was walking and reading during an errand, and another time, I did all of my sister's chores because she promised to lend me a book to read. Most times I would stay all day in my mom's shop just in front of our house because there, no one would look for me or disturb me while I read.
Books were my universe. A safe space; where I would cry my eyes out, tire my chin with laughter, and fold my fist from anger. They were everything to me. A space where I learned what being a woman meant, what love does to someone, and what other cities and countries looked like. In those books, I found out people somewhere had blue eyes. That somewhere in the world, it snows, and they are very white!
My little mind so loved the wonder of these discoveries, that it started to carve and create scenes of its own. It started with a boy meeting a girl. Then his blue eyes. Her warm smile. Their electrifying connection, and then betrayal and separation. It was the first thing I had written after expressing what betrayal meant. Friends here and there, and of course, gossip. I was just a child.
But then, I grew up. Discovered African literature, and how horrid and relatable the experiences of their characters were with my life' experiences. An eye opener to how real it was and how deprived I was. So much so that I would often run away into the books describing very wide oceans very far from my corner of the world where white snows and blue deep brown-eyed people exist.
Although I loved these other stories and the thrill they put me through, I knew I had to accept myself, confront my growing fear, and understand who I am.
So, I read more African books.
Chimamanda Adichie became my favorite author. Followed by several, their names I can barely recall. I explored their stories and began to understand that here, NEPA will take light, bumps will appear on roads, and there will be a long list of what's wrong with here, including the politics. Books became my lens through which I saw the world, much so that when I went to college, into the real world, I doubted if I was normal.
I had read all of the things I would experience and automatically felt I would know what to do when such situations arise. Be it love, career, faith, friends, grades, health, you name it. I was so prepared, or so I thought.
But then, I was struck with my first heartbreak. Then failures, Fs and carryovers, poverty AKA SAPA, and even sickness. I was extremely sick that I felt my world was shattering, and I had learned nothing from stories. I was not prepared for any of the difficulties life threw my way and at the time, I was so confused by the intensity in which life came for me. I often cuddled myself to sleep and would wake up stronger—with motivational quotes spurting out of my mouth only to end up the same. Back to square one by the end of the day.
Today, one would think that with me graduating in a few months, I would be strong, willed, healthy, and very ready for the next phase.
Nope! I'm not.
It's just like before, I've read all about the last year in college, the next phase, but unlike before, I wouldn't assume that I am prepared because I am not. This final year alone has been a roller coaster of fear, emotional turmoil, losses, uncertainties, expenses, and generally a 'God help me' phase.
I have been so slammed with schoolwork; assignments, presentations, reports, projects, and so many others that I've had little time for myself or my career. I've so exhausted my savings to take care of school that I can no longer take care of myself anymore. But you know what, I'm glad this happened. It's a lesson life is teaching me saying: "Do not assume!" Besides, isn't this what being an adult is like?
Meanwhile, I would love you to learn with me.
So hey! Don't assume. Do not think that you've got everything sorted out especially if you're walking into that situation, phase, or role for the first time. Give room for mistakes and make corrections.
Friend, it's okay to recognize faulty parts and get them fixed! Also, be reminded that life isn't a fairytale or a storybook. I would have loved to dissect this point using the concept of seeing life and people as paintings which I used in my short story; Dry This Tears on Ngiga Review, but I had planned to make this short, so wouldn't want to bore you or drag it on.
Embrace changes like they are furry old friends, so you won't be so shocked by how much different change can be at times. Give yourself the grace to crawl, stand, stumble, stand, walk, and run. You'd always be a masterpiece, and like me, when you are lost in a story or two, always bear in mind that life can and may be different.
Just like in those stories, there are happy and sad endings here, and patiently loving yourself wholesomely through all stages of life, is the purest way to have peace in this chaotic world.
Therefore, if there's anything I've learned in my very young life is that:
- Start Early
I was in a meeting yesterday and someone said something that has continuously resonated in my mind since last month, which is; "there's no perfect time to do anything. It starts now."
Truly, there's no perfect time to start or embark on anything. When you wait for a perfect time, you miss out on all that you are to do then start failing late when you should be learning. So, if you want to write a book, start early. Maybe you want to learn a skill or drive, swim, or whatever it is you want to do, start early. That way, you learn early and face life wiser and better.
- Invest in Friendships
There's a certain beauty in having good friends. It's such a pleasure, especially if those friends are like minds; disciplined, hard-working, responsible, strong, etc.
A friend once told me, "If you want to acquire a certain attribute or character, become friends with someone who has it." How true is this?
Will hanging out with someone who thinks like you would want to, infuse that thought pattern in you? Well, my answer is yes, what's yours?
- Brand Yourself
I am a brand. And so are you.
If you're an entrepreneur, business enthusiast, writer, poet, or whatever it is you do for a living, remember that you are a brand. And when you present yourself as such, you make an impression.
So, start thinking like a brand manager. Touch up on yourself, build yourself, focus on building your connection, and promote yourself. Make sure your brand does not fail due to your bad management.
- Have Faith
Your biggest fan should be you!
Believe in yourself and push yourself forward. Understand that it's okay to start small, but trust you can move up the ladder. Encourage yourself. Affirm truths to yourself; strengths and weaknesses. Change what you can, and what you cannot, learn from it. Nurture your mind, and feed it well.
I like to say that an optimist will go farther than a pessimist. See the possibilities, not the failures. Dust yourself off your mistakes and move forward. You'll become what you can envision. If you think you'll make it, you will.
- Know the Difference
For those of us who need to put in extra effort to support ourselves in school, work, and generally, wherever we find ourselves, it is crucial to know the difference.
Have fun when you want to, but not too much fun. You're not ordinary or like everyone else because you need to put in extra efforts to make up for the connections you don't have, or the financial backing you don't have, and whatever it is you think you're lacking.
Pull the plugs early. Tarry a little more now so that you can relax better in the future and even arrange an early retirement plan.
Well, we've come to the end of our little list. Feel free to share your thoughts, and more points in the comment section below. I'm rooting for you!
